Saturday, 26 July 2014

Warsaw - They Walked in Line

 OLD PA'S WEDNESDAY CLUB

LATITUDE - FESTIVAL INITIATION!
London Scouser walking in line!

 
WARSAW - They Walked in Line

I was so looking forward to my first ever Festival at 65. After all it was on my 'Bucket List'. The day arrived, It took us about 8 hours to get there and not the 4 hours that we anticipated. But that was not really a big deal. We got the tents up and beds all blown up (eventually) and it was time for a beer or two. Well deserved after the hard work.

Time to check out the Loos. Oh boy! I don't really like this. Rows of toilets. Gap at the top and bottom of the steel doors. No seat and sometimes the locks in the doors did not work. Having a slash was not really a problem,  but I was dreading that 'poo moment'.  I have never been a great 'away from home shitter' at the best of times. I am usually pretty regular, so it was going to happen. I had to accept this fact. Oh! and there was always that slight smell of disinfectant, mixed with piss and shit. I still get that smell occasionally to this day.

I had my own little room in a large tent shared with Shellhunter and London Scouser. The trouble is Old Farts like me get up 2 to 3 times during the night and and there were going to be inevitable 'Piss times' and there was no hiding place. 

I had to get up, open the tent, then walk about 100 metres, dodging tents and guy ropes to get to the loos. I hated it.

I went again at 05:30 and got 'stage fright'. No 'number twos' made an appearance. It was pretty depressing.

I came back to the tent and a large bottle of water had spilled, I had left the top loose. My little room was swimming. I felt like screaming and I had to clean it up before trying to get some sleep.

I could not get back to sleep and just got up and shared some time with SFW.  He felt exactly like me.  'What the hell am I doing here?' I like my comfort. I like my own toilet with my Take a Break to read and this is only day 1.

We found later that you could pay a sum of money for 'nice' toilets and this would enhance the 'hole' experience. 

I was determined to deal with this. It was my personal challenge. Deal with it Old Pa! Deal with it!

Nature screamed again a day and a half later, this was a serious calling. I rushed to the toilets at the main stage Arena and was delighted when I went in to a enclosed type toilet and it was amazingly clean.

A constipated explosion! I did it! I did it! It happened, I had the biggest smile on my face. Thank God for  ass wipes and baby wipes etc etc. I had a nice clean and perfumed botty too! I had beaten the toilets. I had arrived, I had passed the Festival Initiation test.  Hit me with anything, I could handle anything now. Bring it on.

On a bum note:
On the Saturday night just before the Damon Albarn finale there was thunder and lightning and pouring rain. We all  'Walked in Line'  back to our tents, a 15 min walk.

'One last 'pee' before going back to the tent'  I said to myself. I had my wallet in my Rain Jacket so it would not get wet. I bent over to 'pee' and plonk! my wallet fell down the pan into the murky sludge that was masses of poo and pee and chemicals all mixed together and gurgling. Gone were my Charge Card and near £100 pounds. Would you have put your arm down there? Fuck that! You know you get these stories about guys during the war hiding in the latrines to escape. It make you vomit just thinking about it. Well done guys!

I know you don't want to hear it, but I bought one of those bottles with a wide opening and screw lid.  Well what would you do?      

Next week I will tell you about the good side of the Festival. It was not all bad. Believe me. There was the music.  


 
THE TOILET BOWL CLEANERS - The Poop Song 

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Warsaw - They Walked in Line
4/ 5
Oleh

5 comments

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26 July 2014 at 10:49

Ah Old Pa, it's been a while since I experienced the festival toilet, but you successfully brought the memory back with this post! Losing your wallet that way must've made you want to weep and go home - awful.
Hopefully you enjoyed a lot of great music while you were at Latitude and the overall festival experience wasn't spoiled too much by your toilet traumas. I look forward to hearing all about it.

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sfw
26 July 2014 at 12:52

Old Pa. I'm too old for this...shit!

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1 August 2014 at 15:44

You're out there to enjoy yourself not recreate a scene from Foward Operating Base 3 at Khe Sanh, Nam'. £30 well spent for the Luxury Loos. No one is going to give you a medal at the end saying "well done, you did the festival properly". May have even saved you wallet, losing it....why am I not surprised. Whether it was in the toilet or not, it was going to happen.

Creepy track, I had never heard it until now. Good stuff.

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4 August 2014 at 21:11

I've finally seen 'Control' and have to say Warsaw and then joy Division were very very good... As for the toilets... a piece of piss !!!

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